** DISCLAIMER ** I feel like I need a disclaimer because what I’m typing is so goddamn lame. But whatever, this is just for me anyway. Disclaimer over.
Yesterday I was at the beach with on of my friends and some reporters came up to us posing the question “What are your New Years Resolutions?” A huge camera was staring right at us and the reporter was sitting beside me pretending to care what we had to say. Apparently my “friend” had nothing to say, leaving me with the responsibility to come up with something subpar to respond with.
“Ahhaaauummmm… I don’t really do New Years Resolutions.”
“And why do you think that is?” COME ON WOMAN I DID NOT SIGN UP FOR THIS.
“Ahh I guess it’s more like life resolutions.” Except I completely fumbled the word “resolutions” so she probably a) didn’t understand what I said b) realised that we had nothing TV worthy to say. I can’t remember what happened after that but she didn’t stick around for a chat, thank god, because I needed a few minutes to recover from that ordeal.
I didn’t plan for that anecdote. What I wanted to do was reflect on the positives and negatives of the past year. I like the negatives the most because they’re most interesting and people building and mostly result in shit (eventually) getting done AKA change.
It’s been a long 2016. 366 moons. Probably the year where I’ve experienced my highest peaks and lowest troughs, emotionally. Let’s start positive, shall we? I’m tempted to do dot points. Don’t do it, Court. Alright, we’re gonna do it.
- 2016 started in New Zealand, lead to solo travel in Japan and China, and ended in Queensland to celebrate Christmas with my family. The travel aspect of this year has been so incredibly enlightening. People talk about travel being a whole big ordeal of self-discovery, but it wasn’t so much that for me – I think I’d already known who I was. That’s not to say I didn’t learn more about myself, or gain confidence and independence, because all of those things did happen. I’m not sure I can place a word on my experiences, but what I know now is certainly a lot more than what I did before.
- I’ve had 5 jobs this year. 4 that were just fillers, but the 5th being tutoring all my little students :’) I started at the bottom (1 student) and now I’m here with 9 students – all of whom were so inspiring to work with. Tutoring in 2017 is something I’ve got to look forward to.
- I’ve been loving studying this year. All of my subjects, in retrospect, have been pretty enjoyable, albeit difficult. Graduating/not studying is something I’m a little scared for, but BOY WE’VE GOT ALL OF 2017 OF THIS DEGREE LEFT HEEELLLL YEEEEAAAH.
- I think I’ve finally come to terms with my body. It’s been a long haul in regards to food and weight, but now I’m almost fine with swimming at the pool/beach… even with other people. Which I honestly thought I would NEVER be able to say. I started properly swimming again this year, which is a massive feat. I’ve also been consistent with the gym (up until this back/leg thing).
- Oh, my leg still really hurts. But I’m gonna put it in the positives because I’m POSITIVE it’s getting better. I could walk along the beach this morning pain-free for the first time in at least 2 months, so everything’s comin’ up, Milhouse.
- I’ve read 20 books this year! Which goes to show my concentration levels are good and therefore I’ve been pretty stable.
The last 3-ish months of 2016 I’d fallen into a bit of a black hole. Cried most days, incredibly lonely, incredibly tired, ready to sacrifice myself to Hades, unmotivated, an all-round sad and hard-to-put-up-with human being. Although no one really had to physically put up with me because I was pretty secluded. But I did have to leave work early about 2 weeks ago in tears, very emotional and detached. Sorry, boss. Thankfully, I feel like I’m past that now. It’s true what they say, bad times don’t last forever, people! I think I can thank my family for that, who are just as much loving as they are frustrating. Goes to show that a ‘lil love goes a long way. They didn’t know what I’d been feeling, nor did I want them to, but the fact that they care unconditionally is a big thing. Man, I’m tearing up.
I did have more negatives in mind but I’ve forgotten them now. It’s been a good year. THIS IS NOT A RESOLUTION but for 2017 I want to work on showing the people I love that I appreciate them. Particularly, my family. I kind of suck at that. I also want to work on making/building friendships because one thing I really do struggle with is feeling alone. I know I’m not always a good friend/person but it’s something I not only want, but need to be. For the sake of my self-justification, and the sake of those around me.
Otherwise, thanks 2016. I’m particularly mad you’ve taken my gran and David Bowie and Prince and George Michael, but I’m also mad at 1991 for taking Freddie Mercury so I’ll forgive you because the years that gave us these people make up for it. It’s not you, it’s life. Seeing big things happening for you though, 2017. Onwards and upwards. And remember…